Monday, October 03, 2005
The Whining Weblog of the West
I’m ill, although most of me isn’t doing so bad. But the part that is ill has a central function in my body, in that it links my head to the rest of my body. That’s right, my troth is infected. It started yesterday, when I was happily DIY-ing in our living room, laying the TV and radio distribution cables. It started as an itchy feeling but rapidly became more annoying. By lunch time, I had a bit of trouble swallowing and by the time we were leaving for the celebration of no less than three (3) babies in my girlfriend’s family, I had serious trouble swallowing.
At the party, I kept a safe distance from the newborns, because I didn’t want to commit mass-infanticide. I just hoped the young mothers wouldn’t interpret this as a gross lack of interest in their pride and joys. But luckily I brought my camera so I could give more than enough attention to the little ones, while at the same time remaining at a safe distance. Too bad I also had to keep a safe distance from all the delicious food, because by then, I could barely get air in. As is customary in Belgium at such parties, there was enough pastry, chocolates, sandwiches and of course wines, spirits, beers, etc. to feed a G8 summit without the slightest risk of a diplomatic incident because everyone is just too stuffed. But I could only watch people enjoy the food and have conversations.
An hour and a half later, even that ended. I could barely get a peep out of my mouth, which is really annoying when you’re in the car with your girlfriend and she keeps asking you questions on the arrangements for your coming wedding and you can’t even tell her to shut up. Swallowing was an enormous torment, and you really have no idea how many times you swallow out of reflex per minute, hour and day until you’ve got a bloody infection like this.
So today, I called in sick at work and stayed home to rest and go to the doctor. What is so very annoying, is that I can’t even cough and whine to raise sympathy with my girlfriend, because (a) she’s off to work and (b) coughing and whining hurt like hell. So I suffer in silence, turning instead to the internet in the hope of getting some moral support there. Please feel free to leave messages stating how big your empathy is for my gracious suffering and how much you admire me for my silent internal strength. Maybe I should write a basic text, as a template, that you could all complete with your personal info and then send to me.
Yes, maybe I should do that.