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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Does my bum look fat in this skirt?

I can’t deny it to myself anymore: I’m gaining weight. That’s normal, you should think, at the end of the year everyone collects a bit of fat because of all the parties. What worries me is that I missed most parties because I was abroad. And the ones I went too didn’t always have good food, so I didn’t eat that much. Still, the scales were showing higher and higher numbers.

At first, I drew the obvious conclusion that the earth’s core is collapsing under its own mass because the ozone layer has become so thin it’s not bouncing off the sun’s rays as it used to. Because light has both the characteristics of waves/rays and of particles, it was only a matter of time before the extra weight of these particles would lead to a critical augmentation of the earth’s surface matter, which would in turn press on the core, making it collapse into a dark hole and thereby drastically increasing the planets gravity in a matter of weeks, even days.

My other lousy explanation was that the scales broke down.

But apparently, both scales and earth’s core are fine and dandy, all ready for the New Year. Another indicator was the bulging of my belly. You see, I don’t fatten gracefully, the same way that my hairline doesn’t recede gracefully. My body always seems to look for the best way to entertain people, making me look as funnily as possible. So despite being relatively straight of limbs, my tummy sticks out like that of a four-month-pregnant woman’s.

So in real terms, my weight isn’t that dramatic: 79.4 kilos for a 1.87 m bloke is in fact nothing to worry about. It’s just that it was still 74 point something a couple months ago. I’m heading back to the wobbly 85 kg person that I was a couple of years ago, when I still swigged down a couple of beers every evening (ah, student’s life!) But now I don’t drink anymore – well, not that much anyway. If it goes on like this, I may have to start doing… sports.

I used to ride my bike every day when I stilled worked in Antwerp. And I got on a horse again two weeks ago. Oh, and before anyone remarks, riding a horse is hard work, it’s not “just sitting there letting the animal do everything”. If you don’t believe it, try it and feel how your muscles ache like never before the day after! But what I did in the past was just for fun or out of practical need. Not with the aim to get fit and slim and so on.

I’m just afraid I’ll have to start to move because it’s ‘healthy’ or because my doctor told me so. Before you know it I’ll be counting calories and reading food labels to see how many calories and fat it contains. Nooo, help meeee!!!

Posted by Bart at 6:57 PM
Categories: The Hunter Gatherer


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