Monday, September 18, 2006
Constructive Inter-Species Dialogue
The long version
And what the hell do you think you’re doing?
Don’t play innocent with me! I’ve caught you red-pawed. You where scratching the wall paper again.
Oh that! I just thought… you know, I’d make it a bit comfy.
That’s very expensive wall paper you know. It took me ages to prepare the wall. We’re working our ass off to make it a bit homely, and you two rip everything to shreds.
Hang on, that’s not fair! You got to choose the wall paper, and the paint. We didn’t have any say in this. How can we express your individuality? You humans seem to think you own the place…
Well, we do have to cough up a nice sum of money for it FOR THE NEXT 25 YEARS!
Yes, but we live here too, you know. Look at the doorbell, it just says you two live here. We’re not mentioned there.
How would you know, you’re not supposed to go to the front of the house, remember?
Err, yes. I have this from a reliable source. The point is, you’ve marked out your territory for all to see, but how about us? We also want to express that we live here. And for a cat that means that we have to scratch things.
Oh, I don’t mind that you scratch things. How about that very tall, lumbering and expensive scratching post that we bought you last year? You know, the one you’re sitting on.
Oh please, you don’t expect us to express our individuality by means of mass produced consumer goods! It’s like giving a colouring book to a graffiti artist!
Then go mark your territory outside, artist! There’s a full 25 metres of hedge waiting for you to explore your individuality.
And get resin stains all over my fur? You must be joking!
The short version
(futile attempt to hit a cat scrambling out at full speed)
That’s right, you better stay outside where I can’t get you!