« Delayed | Main | Bart’s Yer Uncle »

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Dressed For The Cold

It’s January so the winter sales have arrived. Women love this time of year, men hate it and I am no exception. But I had to face facts: the winter coat I once had bought to withstand the Bosnian and Kosovar snow, ice and cold (down to -30°C) is now nothing more than a thin and ragged shadow of itself. I also needed some new shoes – desperately – as I’ve explained earlier.

First stop: Premaman, a shop for baby-and-mother-to-be-wear. I join the corps of uneasy dads and dads-to-be as we focus on the technical aspects of the trolleys and toys, trying to avoid actual eye-contact with the women’s clothes (especially underwear). My wife robs halve a shelf clean, dives into a fitting booth and summons me to put back the ones she discarded. She kindly asks my advice, which is like asking a snake which shoes she should wear.

Luckily this ordeal is quickly over and we drive to the city to throw ourselves between the hordes of sales hunters. Sales hunters live in packs and are matriarchal. The alpha female takes the lead and is followed by a very annoying looking/very angry/very bored/very passive male and her crying/whining/half-sleeping offspring. The crowd quickly got on my nerves and after two and a half shops I’m making plans for a dashing escape, leaving the wife and the other members of the buying-frenzy behind.

When Mrs. Bart realises that it is futile to keep hanging around in a store after I decided that I don’t like it from the moment I set a foot in it, we quickly find a nice warm coat. For those amongst you who want detailed information about how it looks: it is a brown coat. With sleeves. And pockets.

Finding shoes is less evident. To make things worse, my traditional shoe shop has changed its buying and price policy and only has shoes that will brake apart when I walk ten meters in them. But just when I think I will have to keep my old shoes with the broken soles that absorb water like SpongeBob SquarePants after a desert holiday, we finally find a nice pair.

So now I am all set up with my nice warm coat and my nice warm, waterproof winter shoes, global warming is making a mockery of my efforts. It’s been unseasonably warm this week. Temperatures sore up to a balmy 14°C, while they should be anywhere between -5 and +4°C. I’m sweating like a malaria patient in this coat. It’s too warm, I want my money back!

Posted by Bart at 9:08 PM
Categories: MarriedMan the Magnificent

Contact me:

Contact me (24K)