Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Last Sunday I was a victim of a serious crime. Grand theft, to be precise. And the worst thing is that it happened right under my nose.
The crime scene was the swimming pool. There were loads of people, and to me everyone of them is a suspect. If they weren’t actively participating in the theft itself, they were at least passive accomplices, playing the innocent fools who have nothing better to do than bobbing around in the water between me and my priced possession, which was waiting for me at the side of the pool.
I suspect the pool guards were in it too. How else can you explain that the thieves operated right under their noses without them noticing anything? They must have been bribed, I tell you.
After an hour or so of toning my body to absolute muscular perfection, I got out of the pool. It was then when I noticed: my shampoo bottle was nicked. Against better hope I looked around for it, but undoubtedly it had already been transported across the border. The bribed pool guards did their best to give them even more respite, blatantly refusing to call the Federal Police, the Special Intervention Squadron and Interpol. Valuable time was lost this way!
The theft has had a great impact, as this shampoo bottle had great emotional value. It had been in our family for… well a month at least. And it was half full too when that mysterious crime syndicate with its tentacles around the globe robbed it as a part of their scheme to get their hands on nuclear fission material out of the former Soviet-Union.
While the investigation is running, I shall have to do with a spare bottle of shampoo. Next weekend I will buy a heavy shampoo-lock. And a shampoo-bottle alarm! Which reminds me, I must call the mayor of Antwerp tonight to demand that safes are installed by the next time I go for a swim – that would be next Sunday. Better call the PM too, to release the necessary funding.
I refuse to be victimised!