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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Spider/Heart Attack

The baby’s been home for a week now and we’re both absolutely pooped. He’s keeping us well busy by day, although he’s really a quiet baby that sleeps well. But at night too, he has to breastfeed every couple of hours, and we really begin to feel the sleep deprivation.

As if getting up three times a night isn’t enough, Mrs. Bart has these sudden panic attacks. Two nights ago, she started screaming in my ear because she thought that little Wolf was lying in between us and that I had rolled onto him in my sleep. But the little guy wasn’t sleeping in our bed at all, he was quietly sleeping through his mum’s bout of panic in his little cradle at Mrs. Bart’s side of the bed.

This night was even better: Mrs. B. was breastfeeding Wolf when an itsy-bitsy-spider lowered itself from the ceiling above her head. I was still happily lying on my back and snoring a sonata in C minor when suddenly…


She dove to the side, clutching the baby, right onto my face. While I woke in horror she still tried to scramble away, on my, over my, through me, suffocating me in the process. It took me a while to get from underneath her, calm her down and understand what the hell was going on.

Then I took a paper napkin, plucked the small spider out of the air and crushed it in my righteous anger. I can tell you I was beyond being pissed and it took me a while to get back to sleep, while Mrs. B. tried to explain to me how dangerous and frightening these little spiders can be.


Posted by Bart at 2:01 PM
Edited on: Monday, November 12, 2007 9:17 PM
Categories: MarriedMan the Magnificent

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