Friday, February 22, 2008
'Why don't I take a beer, to celebrate the end of the work week', I said to myself on my way to the train. So I bought a can and stuffed it into the pocket of my coat. The train itself was delayed, so the Belgian railroads owe my fifteen minutes of quality weekend time. But when I lowered myself in my seat, the can dropped out and fell on the floor.
'Will it explode?', I wondered. Nah, it's not asif it dropped from the first floor of a building or something. It just slipped out of my pocket, it'll be fine.
A couple of minutes later the train entered Brussels' Northern railway station. Bewildered travellers saw the train engine pass by, then a wagon, another wagon, a 30 meter long foam sausage spouting beer foam out of every open window, vent and crevice, and then some more train wagons. Luckily I had an extra handkerchief on me, or I never would've been able to clean everything up.
My coat was drenched, my pants were soaked, there was a huge puddle of beer under my seat and in the distance I could hear some children scream when a tidal wave of yellow liquid. Given the state of the toilets of some trains, I would have panicked too.
When the people around me overcame the initial shock, the sniggering started of course. Meanwhile, I still clinged to the overflowing can – it's amazing how much beer comes out a can in such cases. There never seems to be as much in it when you actually get to drink it. A trickle of cold liquid followed the underside of my arm. It was warm in the train, so everything dried quickly. And before you'd know it, I would smell like a beerpub the morning after a five-day students' festival. It's a foul smell, and everyone will instantly identify you as a homeless alcoholic.
Actually, I don't give a rat's ass whether people think I drink too much. As long as I really did get to drink as much as they think I did. Now it was all pain and no gain.
And how do you explain reeking for beer when you return late from work to your anxiously waiting spouse?
I didn't stand a chance...