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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Two Weddings And My Funeral

Our last two weekends have been busy as ever, with two weddings to attend to. First we had to get rid off Wolf, and luckily some passing strangers were willing to take him out of our hands for a while.

The first marriage was very posh, with a 514-course meal. Everything was beautifully decorated, to the point that the tables were pack with candles, menu cards, napkins, flower arrangements and the like. Mrs.B’s table neighbour, an elderly Ukrainian gentleman, inadvertently knocked over his menu card, right onto a candle. The smell of burning paper and plastic decoration quickly warned us that something was wrong. Ever the hero, I saved the day by calmly picking up the burning card and taking it outside. And I didn’t even singe my hands, hair or costume!

The food was nice, and copious amounts of excellent wine were consumed by all – well, by me at least. This resulted in embarrassing scenes on the dance floor later that evening, up to the point that people gave me compliments about my dancing skills. That’s how drunk I was. The next morning (well, afternoon) brought sudden flashbacks of what exactly I’d done, followed by hot flashes of shame and attempts to bury myself under my pillow.

I must say we weren’t very fit at the beginning of the second marriage. After all, we’re not 21 anymore. And in between marriages, I’d been very busy tearing apart walls and floors to install the new central heating. But it was a very nice party, with excellent company, excellent food and excellent drinks. Need I say more? Fast forward to the next morning, with similar sequences of flashbacks and embarrassment.

All that partying has left us truly exhausted. My legs and back ache, and I feel like an old fart. Actually it takes effort to stay awake most of the day. Luckily we have no social engagements next weekend, or I’d snuff it.

Posted by Bart at 8:52 PM
Categories: MarriedMan the Magnificent

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