Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Summer is like so over, so here at Bart’s Fashion Boutique we are proud to give you an exclusive preview of the 2008 Autumn and Winter Collection.
First up, we have this wonderful Gastric Flu on offer, which comes complete with a whole rage of needles, hooks, rusty nails and various other razor sharp implements that seem to slice, hack and slash trough your stomach. Thanks to Gastric Flu, or Gastroenteritis as we like to call it in the business, you won’t touch a morsel of food for days on end. Guaranteed to make you collapse in your bed and whimper like a baby.
A classic at parties is our Acute Tonsillitis. Infect your friends! Get the family together and croak in turn like a parched raven that’s eating sandpaper in the Sahara desert. Bored of swallowing? Tonsillitis will without any doubt make you prefer drooling in public to passing your excess saliva. You’d rather die than make any movements with your throat. It’s fun-fun-fun!
And last but not least, there’s that evergreen at parties: acute unstoppable diarrhoea. Clench your bottom while trying to engage in stimulating conversation. Pretend not to feel that small trickle of foul liquid that announces a veritable dam-burst of putrid raw sewerage. Feel your head turn red every time your rubber-like anal sphincter lets go of a waft of bio-gas. Give Usain Bolt a run for his money as you sprint in record time to the nearest loo.
The 2008 Autumn’s collection has something to everyone’s taste, and we tested it all for you, dear readers! In fact, that's practically all I've been doing for the past two weeks.
And if my son brings one more disease from day-care, I refuse to hug him without one of those white bio-hazard protection suits.