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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Bart's Vegetarian Lasagne Recipe

Go to the shop and buy:

  • 1 pound of minced meat
  • 1 green and 1 red paprika
  • 4 tomatoes
  • 1 pound of mushrooms
  • 1 aubergine (eggplant)
  • 1 courgette
  • 1 big onion
  • A box of lasagne leaves (500 gr.)

Cut and dice the onion, the courgette, the aubergine and the paprika. Stir-fry everything in a wok, starting with the onions and adding the rest as you see fit. Slice the mushrooms and add them when the first batch of vegetables is tender. Cut up the tomatoes in parts and add them right at the end, so that they get warm without cooking to a pulp.

Make a bechamel sauce (white sauce) with 100 grams of butter or margarine. Add two to three spoons of flour and stir on a low fire until you get a smooth roux. Then carefully add about half a litre of milk while stirring until the sauce is medium thick and nice and creamy but not too runny and not too thick either.

Completely forget to bake the minced meat.

Take a square oven dish and butter the sides. Then you start of with a layer of the vegetable mix. Next you put a layer of lasagne leaves on top of it. Forget to add a layer of minced meat, which you haven't baked anyway. Go on without even a single clue about the presence of the minced meat in your refrigerator. Be as oblivious as possible about the mere existence of minced meat on this planet. Then pour a layer of white sauce on the lasagne leaves, instead of putting it on top of the minced meat. Add another layer of lasagne leaves and repeat the process until you've reached the rim of the oven dish.

If you value a clean oven, do not stack additional layers of vegetables, creamy sauce, invisible minced meat or cheese on top, because the sauce and molten cheese will drip over the rim. If you're me, do exactly what you're not supposed to.

Put the dish in the oven for about 35 minutes. Swear profusely after about ten minutes, when the molten cheese is dripping on the bottom of the oven and burning totally, creating a thick blanket of black smoke in your kitchen (warning: possible exaggeration here). Anyway, it smells foul.

Serve hot. When members of your household claim you've forgotten the minced meat, look bewildered, then invent stupid lies about you wanting to try a recipe for vegetarian lasagne. Ignore sniggering from the other side of the table and any mother-son conspiracies against your fatherly authority. Make things work by exclaiming all the time how nice the lasagne is and how well you can taste the mushrooms now that the taste of minced meat isn't so overpowering. Ignore the fact that other members of the household aren't eating nearly as much as they normally do, and that you don't eat as much either.

Try to avoid the subject of lasagne and/or minced meat during the next couple of days.

Posted by Bart at 8:45 PM
Categories: The Hunter Gatherer

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