Wednesday, January 06, 2010
This Is Not The End
The dazzling and wildly humorous adventures of myself and my loved ones continue on a new page. Hop over to www.bartlog.be to continue the suspense, the fun, the wicked sexual escapades and the complaining about trains being late, runny noses, etc.
In the unlikely event that you have a link on your weblog to this page, you may take this occasion to update your link. And for those of you feeding on RSS, you may want to update your link to http://www.bartlog.be/?q=rss.xml
See you on the other side!
Friday, January 01, 2010
Happy New Year and all the best from Wolf, Mrs.B and myself!
I've made a present for you, just follow this link: www.bartlog.be
Thursday, December 03, 2009
When uploading the previous post, my ISP’s server chocked on the many pictures. Again. You see, in this beautiful but retarded country of mine, the two main ISPs (*) still maintain strict limits on downloading, server space, scripts you can use (in my case: none) and so on. Some well meaning idiot tried to fight this policy by hacking the Belgacom servers and publishing a bunch of users’ logins and passwords. But he got caught, because even the police use computers these days. His trial starts next week.
I’m looking into less drastic alternatives to get around this ban. Of course I could move my weblog to Wordpress.com or – cough hack – Blogger – hack cough – but I like to keep things under control. And I don’t want to be entirely dependent on free services, that can change their policies any time. Such a thing happened to me recently with Gliffy.com, a free service to draw flow charts online. They changed their ‘free’ policy from an unlimited number to five charts per user. So now I have to throw 25 diagrams away or cough up $5 a month. I don’t want something like that to happen to my beloved Bartlog.
So I’ve been tinkering about with Drupal, a free content management system that allows you to create any kind of site: a webstore, a weblog, a forum, a photo collection, a simple one page website,… you name it! And that is precise its problem, because to create something like a blog you need to gnaw through tons of documentation. Drupal is developed and maintained by a dedicated community, and that is another one of its problems. Forget easy-to-follow step-by-step beginners manuals. You’ll be bombarded by so much information that it’s very difficult to keep focused. Oh, and then there is the panoply of extra modules that you need to install to get anything working. Want something exotic like images in your posts (imagine that, eh!), why you only need to install five extra modules for that. And then the real fun begins, because all those modules have settings that need to be changed and they are absolutely all over the damn place!
I guess you can say this thing has a steep learning curve. There is a simple explanation for its complexity: its made in Belgium (well, it started here, now it’s a worldwide community really). But on the plus side, you really can tinker about and tweak this thing to your geek heart’s desire. So if all goes well, expect a new, flashy and dynamic version of Bartlog any time soon. Like in 2020.
(*) Two, yes two as in 2. There are other ISPs, but there are only two separate networks, which means you can write off any free market principles. Internet is expensive here, service is lousy and their idea of internet security is blocking all customers from doing anything else but surfing and making old-school websites.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Finally, after months of pleading, I got a new computer at work. Saying that my previous work machine was a tad old is an understatement. Instead of bits and bytes, it worked on gold ducats and papal decrees. Every time I hit the ‘enter’ button, I could hear the midget inside sliding beads on his abacus.
Apart from having a negative clock speed – glaciers wouldn’t believe how slow it was in the end – its display was suffering a slow and painful death. In fact, I had a series of crappy monitors at the end. The first one turned blue and purple on irregular intervals. Then our network administrator gave me another worn down display that was so bad that I’d need glasses if I’d watched for a day longer. Finally, I got one that was fine most of the time, although in the morning it would present me with a variety of striped patterns moving up and down or from left to right or diagonally across my screen. Still, it was the best of the three.
I can’t tell you how much time I lost with that thing. In the morning, I would turn it on and then I’d go for a long stay at the toilet. When I’d returned, it was time to log in and then wait a bit before I could start Outlook. Once I’d hit the Outlook shortcut, I’d have to wait again for fifteen minutes for it to open and check for my mails. So thirty to forty minutes after my arrival, I’d have my computer at my disposal to finally get some work done. Opening documents would also take ages and in the evening I’d have to start to shut down all applications and the computer fifteen minutes earlier or I’d miss my train.
But now all of that is behind me! After creating an uproar in our weekly service meeting and calling my colleagues to take up arms and start the revolution of the working proletariat against the filthy capitalists of the direction (I kid you not, I really put it like that, waving my fists and everything), management finally gave in. The best part was when the netadmin said that he hadn’t even had to buy a new one for me, because he had this one in reserve. Reserve for what? In case his computer broke down?
Anyway, I’m happy as a toddler now with my new toy. As a consequence, the glorious revolution of the working class came to an abrupt end because its leader was bribed by upper management. Marx would turn around in his grave.
One disadvantage of these pre-installed business computers is that it is still not a standard practice to make the distinction between the system partition, with Windows and all the applications, and the data partition. So if anything dramatic happens, and you have to reformat your system partition, you wouldn’t loose your data too.
I didn’t want to reformat the whole disk, but I didn’t have access to Norton’s Partition Magic either. I rarely modify the partitions on the computers at home, so why buy such an expensive application then? So I looked around on the internet for a bit, and I found this little gem: Easeus Partition Master Home Edition. It works just as well as Northon Partition Magic, it is very easy to use, it offers every kind of option you can imagine and it’s for free!
It’s fantastic. With my new computer installed completely as I want it, I almost feel I could be productive!
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Alone On The Web
What is it with you people? Alcyon hasn’t updated his blog since the end of October. Keith considered halting his blog altogether but then decided to turn it into a journal about his general interests. Worst of all, lady Daphne has decided that being the focal point of the Brussels’ High Society and blogging don’t go together, so she has ended her weblog altogether.
A couple of months ago, Invader Stu stopped his conquest of the Netherlands, which was a real shame because it was the only weblog that explained its posts by means of simple drawings. Finally something I could really understand, but now its gone (although he claims he’s just taking a break). Sim didn’t update for a while, but at least she had a valid excuse.
And Twenty bloody f*ck piss c*nt Mayor has turned his blog into a freaking shit hell damned forum, would you believe it. Finally, since Steph moved back from Norway to the USA (she really must have had an allergy for George W Bush), her weblog sagged like a soufflé gone wrong. Mrs.T was a goner too, but now she's back.
Is this the end of blogging as we now it?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Work In Progress
As you may have noticed, I've been busy changing the lay-out of my weblog. It's a work in progress, so things may go hay-shaped and look pear-wired for a while.
I've had that boring old lay-out from the very beginning of this weblog, and I've been contemplating a change for a while now. But I never found the time to make it all right at once, so I thought I just get it started and tweak it over time until it's perfect, or bland but functional.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I'm getting these Blue Screen Of Death messages. Windows is so helpful to explain me that this is caused by 0x1x0x0xbxlxa not being able to address 1x0x0x1x1x0xx1x1x0x0 or something like that. Thank you for that information Bill Gates, now I know at least that I need to change a memory module, or maybe the keyboard driver, or the screensaver, or one of the other fifty gazillion items that make up my computer. Thank's a lot old chump.
Better advance my five-yearly back-up scheme.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Keith warned me that my comments disappear and reappear at random. I checked it out at Haloscan, and I can't find anything wrong apart from a message that it was more than three months ago since I last logged in (yup, that's me) and that they'd archived my comments. Maybe it's that, anyways it seems to be functioning now and your comments have not been deleted, least of all by me.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Wouldn't you know, I'm nominated for the Belgian blog awards, or Bwards. I thought the 'b' stood for Bart, but then I found it refered to my fatherland, which is also nice.
I found out by accident, because a number of people started dropping by from the Bwards site. I checked it out and apparently you can vote for your favourite websites. It's just the first round, so there are about 3000 people in front of me, and I don't really suspect that I could win. I mean, who would vote for me? You know me, dear readers, I'm by far not vain enough to rally people to vote for me. Modesty is my middle name. Quality, not quantity is what matters – although getting a higher ranking would certainly lure more readers in my nets.
Now off you go. To any site of your liking I mean, it's entirely your choice.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
We have a wireless network at home. That's not really astonishing news, but it is supposed to be a wired network. I went at great lenghts to pull cables throughout our house, drilling holes in walls and floors, fixing wires in the wall or underneath the stairs, trying to hide everything as much as possible.
But now we have a wireless network, because the cats have eaten the wires. That's right, they've gnawed right through solid Cat5e UTP network cable. We've put them on a diet recently, because they were really getting to fat. But it's not asif they are starving with hunger, not nearly enough to make them eat electrical wiring when there are plenty of doves and crows in the garden to hunt down. Which they do with great regularity; I've found the remains of a pigeon only last weekend.
So now Mrs.B can't print from her new laptop downstairs on her new printer-fax-telephone-copier-scanner-espresso machine in her office upstairs. And she can't reach her files on the laptop from the computer that she uses for emailing.
It won't be long before she can't use her laptop anyway: I've noticed that the cats have gnawed half through the cable of her mouse too. She will be forced to use that slide-your-finger-over-the-square thingy, which is a bloody nuisance to use. When I tried it, I opened all sorts of applications and documents and stuff.
But then again, it is only natural that cats chew on mice.
Friday, August 31, 2007
I've been blogging for nearly two years now, and I notice that my taste in weblogs is evolving. Some blogs that I liked in the beginning now seem boring or even crap. Others have ceased to exist and are dearly missed. And then there are the ones... well we seemed to have grown apart really.
So time to update my blogroll. As always I like to give my short impression of the blogs I link to, something I picked up from Zoe's blog. It makes the links more personnal, I try to explain why I like this or that particular blog. This way it's easier for visitors to browse my links and to select the ones that my interest them, instead of clicking at random on individual links in often very elaborate blogrolls.
These are the newbees, go4th&* (go forth and multiply)
- Ann in the Morning, by Ann (Dutch language)
- Askatasuna, by Goya (Dutch language)
- Blogzira, by Lucy Pepper
- BVLG, by BVLG (Dutch language)
- The Dilbert Blog, by Scott Adams
- I'd Rather Be Blogging, by Maureen
- Invading Holland, by Invader Stu
- Tomato and Basil Sandwiches, by Auntie Marianne
- Wondermark, by David Malki
- X-Pose – Confessions of a Photographer, by X-Pose
Friday, July 13, 2007
I couldn’t log in when I fired up my computer at work this morning. The keyboard was out of order, I couldn’t push controlaltdelete let alone enter my secret username and password, which are… Yes, I can wait until you’ve found a pencil and a block note.
What was I talking about? Oh, yes. The keyboard.
I said to my boss that I was technically unemployed because there’s about nothing I can do without computer. Unfortunately, he send me to the IT-guy. He fiddled around a bit with the cable, but it still didn’t work.
- My hopes were rising.
Then he tried another keyboard, but still the computer was blocked.
- I left the room to have some privacy to dance with joy in silence.
When I re-entered, he had fixed the problem.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Diapers & Disks
You wouldn’t believe how difficult it is to nurture a newborn baby and re-install a computer at the same time. May I also add that the capacity of disposable diapers is hugely overrated? After three days it just pours out. Luckily adding some newspapers did the trick.
When I bought my 80 gigabyte hard disk, I thought it was a bit over the top capacity-wise. Eighty gig, I’d never be able to use all that up, would I? Well yes, all it takes is a digital camera and a lack of time to check and throw away useless pictures. After two years of shooting, my hard drive started to bulge. I’ve been fearing a terminal disk crash for the last couple of weeks, expecting every moment that there wouldn’t be enough room for the swap file.
But finally I got my summer holiday check, so off to the computer store for some goodies. Since my wife always claims that bigger is better, I bought a 500Gb Western Digital SATA-II with 16Mb of cache memory and a top speed of 7200 rpm. Five hundred gig! I’ll never have to buy a hard drive ever again! Ever!
It took me a while to get the damn thing installed. Every manual I could find said that the whole SATA-I/SATA-II thing is just a gimmick and that a SATA-II disk would work just fine on a SATA-I connector. Well, it doesn’t necessarily. I had to add a jumper to get my motherboard to find it in the first place. Then update the BIOS and find the necessary drivers for Windows XP.
While I was at it, I also – and finally – bought me a DVD writer. To get rid of the broad PATA cables, I chose the Samsung SH-S183A Writemaster SATA-I drive. It can handle anything, including DVD-RAM. Which means I can make back-ups again, which was a bit tedious with my old trusty Plextor CD-RW drive. So tedious that my last back-up dates from… oh, I don’t know… the Middle Ages or something. So now you understand why I was getting nervous.
In between diaper changes I re-installed Windows (two times, because the USB photo-card reader messed up the drive sequence and my system disk got drive letter ‘H’). Then I proceeded with the software, using the opportunity to switch from MS Office to OpenOffice.org http://www.openoffice.org/ because Office 2003 is getting old and boring and because the new interface of Office 2007 looks like absolute rubbish to power users such as moi. Oh, and OpenOffice is just slightly less expensive: it is absolutely free, to be exact, and for a couple of hundreds of Euros difference I can live without blinking text or other gimmicks, thank you very much. I switched to Mozilla Thunderbird too, which handles my mail very nicely. I kicked out Explorer in favor of Firefox last year.
So after five evenings of cramming diapers into the DVD drive and changing my son’s installation CDs, I’m all ready to roar again.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Are We There Yet?
Did I complain yet how much writing a manual for a computer application sucks? No?
Well, it’s like jumping into a magnetic swamp with your pockets stuffed with iron bars. You can’t get out, it’s a never-ending story and the readers are screaming for a sequel. You have to explain every little detail, even things everyone should take for granted after so many decades of computer revolution. Every potential question of the greatest moron on earth has to be answered by that text, and let me tell you: the greatest moron on earth has a lot of fantasy.
I’m at page 103 and counting. Granted, I put in a lot of pictures in a vague attempt to reach the state of foolproof-ness. And of course no-one will ever read it. Instead, they will mess up my beautiful application and then send angry e-mails to me venting their outrage because it won’t make any coffee or they can’t find the bloody ‘Any’-key.
If Darwin were right, the sub-species called Users should be long extinct.
Friday, February 09, 2007
Do Until objReader = acBored
It’s been quiet on this blog lately, I know. That’s because next Friday I will be leaving for Niger again. And before I can leave my monitoring software has to be ready. It’s almost ready, which is more frustrating than you’d imagine because of this endless stream of small issues and bigger problems that keep popping up at the last moment. Despite rigorous testing there’s always some bug that only appears at very specific circumstances, for which you of course didn’t test. In the best case, this means adding or removing a few lines of code. In the worst case I get stuck for days on end, slamming hundreds of lines of code out of my keyboard, only to find out after many gruelling hours that there was this silly little thing blocking the whole shabamble (official computer term). Take it away and the problem is gone. Oh, and you can also dispose of these thousands of lines of code you wrote in a desperate attempt to find a workaround.
Add to this mixture Murphy’s law, and you’ll know how many times I deal with a ‘best case’ and how many times with a ‘worst case’.
Physically, I’m turning into the hunchback of the Notre Dame. When I am working on my computer in utter concentration and under full steam, my posture is a disaster. So my shoulders ache and my neck hurts. I can also feel the tendons in my arms and fingers ‘freeze’, and my wrists feel as if they’re bloating. So you can understand that I wasn’t in the mood for getting behind the computer after work.
I had RSI or Repetitive Strain Injury a couple of years ago precisely from working on the computer, tapping away at high velocity for hours on end and that over a period of several months. I neglected my body’s warning signs, until I could type no more and had to rest. Surprisingly, the world didn’t end because of it. But I know it will if I don’t finish this in time.
The first time I had RSI was in my teens. Strangely enough I didn’t type that much back then. I wonder what other repetitive movement I could have done for months on end as a teenage boy…
Friday, February 02, 2007
It All Adds Up
When I made my website, I looked around for a counter which not only offered some decent statistics, but which also allowed me to manipulate its colours because I wanted to embed it into a picture. The result is the ‘Mirror Mirror On The Wall’ counter on the be.bart page (which is desperately in need of an update, I know). Needless to say, it had to be for free too.
That’s how I ended up with CountStats.net. In the beginning, I was quite pleased with my counter. But after a while I noticed it had some quirks. For instance, every year in the beginning of the year CountStats throws away the statistics of the previous year. They don’t just throw away the numbers that are older than twelve months, they just throw away the previous year, apart from the total number of visits and page views.
When they do that, their whole system gets screwed up for a couple of weeks. So for days on end, your counter won’t move, or some statistics won’t be available. Some statistics never worked anymore at all since the first time they did this to me.
But even at the best of times, their counters can be very sluggish, to the point where your web browser just gives up and goes for a cup of coffee. So I started to suspect that the number of hits that my blog gets might be higher than they proclaim it is. To check this, I installed another counter and you can see the result at the bottom of the right column. Since January 10th the difference between the SiteMeter counter and the CountStats counter grew to more than 240 visits. According to CountStats, I had on average 22 people per day visiting my weblog, while SiteMeter says that it is almost twice as much (40 per day). CountStats says I had 25 page views in the last month, SiteMeter claims that I had 50 per day during the last month. On top of this, SiteMeter doesn’t count my own visits, while CountStats doesn’t have this option and includes them into its statistics.
To be fair, I did put the code for the SiteMeter code in front of a bunch of other things that link to external servers, while the CountStats thingy has to wait until all the others load before it can add to its stats. I don’t know if this can have an influence or not, so if there are any web wizards out there – your feedback is welcome.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
I Like My Website Strong And Black
Last year I created the be.bart website to learn XHTML and CSS. For those of you who think I suddenly switched to Chinese, those are languages to make-up websites. My idea at the time was also to have a place to gather information that’s useful for me, but might also be useful to others. And to ridicule people without running the risk of violent physical reactions and bombardments with food items that are seriously over their consummation limit.
The result is a somewhat – erm – eclectic site with a lot of dead ends. You see, I made the site during a time when my situation at work (previous work that is) was infinitely less than pleasant. In fact, it was an all-out global conflict between yours truly and the powers that were supposed to direct the organisation I worked for. It was an incessant psychological war, and the site helped me to pass the many lonely hours when I couldn’t do anything because the executive board blocked me or got so much on my nerves that I just couldn’t get anything done. Then I changed jobs, got married, bought a house and a car and before you know it I barely had the time to set up and maintain this weblog. The website came to a dead stop, and it shows. So high time for a refurbishing exercise.
When I set up the website, I didn’t own a digital camera yet. So now I want to put more emphasis on my attempts at becoming a Magnum photographer. But making web pages with lots of photos directly in XHTML is a bit tedious and time-consuming to say the least, and also gives a result that is too rigid. So I started to look around for an application that allows you to do a What You See Is What You Get (if you’re very lucky) or WYSIWIG lay-out, while still having the possibility to tinker around with the code itself when it’s needed. I also wanted to continue with the use of CSS to determine the overall lay-out of the site.
There are very nice applications that let you do all that and more. They also cost all that and more. I don’t mind paying a bit for such a program, but I still have 24 and a half years of monthly instalments to pay for my house, which I’m also not willing to sell just to buy the likes of Adobe Dreamweaver. Before someone yells ‘Microsoft’, I did try Frontpage but I like my code to be W3C-compliant instead of in some Billgatian dialect. On the other hand there are loads of applications (even free ones) that are very easy to use and help you set up a website in minutes. Even a retarded cucumber can set up a website that way, but there’s generally no room for more (I tried CoffeeCup’s VisualSite Designer). If you want to add code you have to load it in another editor, assuming that this is at all possible. In between you have applications that try but fail to meet my requirements. They are difficult to handle, or rather they are unpredictable and give unstable results. I had a go at NVU for a while, but that wasn’t satisfying. I had to switch back and forth between NVU and my trusted (but not WYSIWIG) HTML Kit and NVU kept messing up the code.
So it’s either selling the house, get a lobotomy or make do with crap programmes. But then I discovered CoffeeCup’s HTML editor. I thought this was also a code editor, but it combines a code editor with a WYSIWIG graphical editor. Inserting photos is a snatch with this thing and although it has some quirks, it has the right balance between idiot-proof and being useful for technophiles and professionals. I have the feeling it will allow me to further learn website design and programming, without costing me an arm and a leg. So I hope it won’t be long before I can show you some results, although you shouldn’t expect a drastic re-design. It will be more subtle than that.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I was already grumpy to begin with, when I returned home from work yesterday. It had been a long and tedious day. Not that anything went wrong, but it was just a very long and very tedious day.
When I got home, I turned on the TV to listen to the news while I pealed the potatoes (Wiener Schnitzel on the menu). Alas, no sound, no vision. Or rather, a short message telling me that there’s something wrong with the digital signal and that I should call the cable company.
So I walk to the phone with a deep sigh. It was just one of those days. And it wasn’t going to get better, because the phone didn’t work either. It was working, because there was text on the display, but there was no signal. It started dawning on me what could be the problem, and I quickly ran upstairs to start up the computer and check my theory. And indeed, no access to the internet.
Luckily, we still have cell phones and for once its battery wasn’t empty on the wrong moment. So I called up the helpdesk of our provider (Telenet), pressed 2, then 1, then 3 and then waited for half an hour listening to a stupid tape claiming that an operator would help me in just a moment. Robo-woman also mentioned that I could find help by surfing to their webpage. You stupid recorded woman!
Finally I got a human voice on the line, and I explained my problems in detail. He made me run some tests, and then decides there’s nothing he can do. He’ll have to send over a technician.
‘Fine’, I say, ‘when can he come’.
He asks me if I want him to come in the morning or in the afternoon.
‘Neither’, I say. ‘My wife and I both have to work, you know.’
No problem, we’ll just rip you off for a mere 15 € and send someone over in the evening. I comply, what else can I do. In my mind I see my anorexic piggy bank wither and roll over on its side to die with a long, gurgling cry.
A bit later my wife returns home from the horse-riding centre, and she empties the mail box while I explain her what’s happened. ‘No television for two days’ I conclude.
‘Hold on’, she says as she finds a note left behind by a Telenet technician. It says: ‘Our technician presented himself at your door but there was no-one at home. So he cut your connection in your absence as you requested’.
Wait a minute, we never requested such a thing! With steam coming out of her ears, my wife (who’s a solicitor/lawyer for those of you who just tuned in) grabs the telephone and puts the poor woman on the other line before the verbal equivalent of a firing squad. Sensitive as I am I cower away to the kitchen.
So apparently, the couple from which we bought the house almost five months ago asked Telenet to cut their connection. We buy the house, register it, ask Telenet to install a modem, two phone lines and a digital recorder with TV connection, change our subscription and pay a year in advance for all these connections. And THEN Telenet sends over a technician to cut the line of people who don’t live there anymore, as is clearly indicated on the bell that the guy had to push in order to find out if we were at home or not. When I call the helpdesk, they didn’t know about this request, which means that they don’t work with a centralised database with all their customers information. I imagine they have this big board hanging on the wall with thousands of post-its. Once in a while someone takes a post-it and does what it says, without knowing if its still relevant.
I always thought something like this would happen, because although they have very high speed internet connections, if Telenet can make an administrative blunder the size of which would leave Kafka himself dumbfounded, they shall do so!
End of rant, please continue. Nothing more to see here people!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Almost 15 years ago, when I was sweating and cursing simultaneously over my statistics exam in my first year of university, I would never have guessed that I would one day get addicted to statistics. Not only have I been digging up my old textbooks in order to improve the hyper-sophisticated-all-bells-and-whistles-monitoring-organisational-development-programme that I’m writing, I even developed a strong need for them in my free time.
I’m talking about the statistics of my weblog, that little number on the
bottom of the sidebar. At least once a day, and often many times more, I
check my stats to see if anybody has any interest in my blog. At first
the numbers just crept up by two or three a day, barely a reason to keep
on writing you’d think. But there was so much
crap in me that just had to be dumped somewhere and the toilet wouldn’t
take it any more. Almost a year after launching my weblog, I’ve
assembled a steady flow of fans and I get between fifteen and twenty
hits per day. Not bad considering the fact that I haven’t told any
family or friends that I’m a blogger (bar one friend, and my wife of
Still, I must admit that I’m hugely jealous when I read about some people’s success. The Mighty Duck has just found his 1.000.000th victim. One million! At this rate I’ll need 400 years to get that number! And closer to home the excellent but strangely named weblog of Smiling Cobra has bitten 10.000 (Dutch speaking) readers in the leg, hissing at 130 people a day. And I felt so proud when I got 50 readers on my wedding day (thanks to Zoe and the Twat).
Maybe I should put more naked women on my blog. Mmmmh… must discuss this with the wife. Where’s my camera?
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Yesterday, someone found my weblog by entering the following search phrase in Google:
“Sticks a dinner fork in his testicle”
That’s what you get when people are forced on a diet. Can you imagine how desperate you’d have to be?