Last update : Friday, 18 February 2011
Advisory IRC comments
Favorite chat location: Chatnet
Personal channel for all sorts of potential rubbish: Chatnet #Restroom #A Corner cafè`
Chat experience level: ASSumed veteran
Warnings, experiences, seriously faulty presumptions and bad advice.
1. You are LAME by definition. Therefore, refer to point 1 or 15.
2. Never stay later then 3 am or you may wake up with AZERTY printed on your forehead. Refer to point 6.
3. Never get “involved” or you may find yourself on a plane, trying to meet this presumed lovely girl, when you finally come to your senses and land on the wrong continent. Don’t tell everyone and refer to point 14.
4. You WILL get addicted. If you don't like that, get yourself banned by breaking the rules all the time. Alternatively ask an Op to ban you. Trouble is you can’t change your mind unless you can refer to point 7.
5. Although (s)he insists (s)he doesn’t mind, your spouse will get upset about your flirting with those presumed lovely chat friends. Refer to point 3.
6. Don't drink alcohol when you're chatting, it just leads to point 3.
7. If you like to get mean with people for fun, be nice first. Refer to point 8.
8. Use Email or an unwelcome private message as a backup to iron out your mistakes. And yes, you will make some. You are banned? Tough… Refer to point 15.
9. Log the channel and the private chats. You will miss half the jokes and remarks in channel while you're cybering in private. By checking the log the morning after, you will find out how stupid you were last night and insulted your best friend (point 8 in that case) or all the gossip about you in the channel (point 10).
10. Never gossip about other people. But then again everyone else does about you, so what the hell? Be bold and refer to point 7.
11. Be honest. If you're not, you'll be found out and suffer embarrassment. Refer to point 8.
12. Never believe anyone. Nobody else believes in point 11. Refer to point 19.
13. It's a jungle out there. Brace yourself before trying it out. Nobody else believes in any of all the other points. Refer to point 11.
14. Don't bother telling everyone you are going to quit IRC, you can't. Just have fun, refer to point 15 and listen to the Eagles song "Hotel California" one day to find out what's really happening to you. Refer to point 15.
15. A good moment to really quit while you still can. It's too addictive. Get yourself a Real Life for a while. Refer to point 25.
16. Knowledge of acronyms may be useful, if you decide to continue anyway. LOL! Refer to point 1.
17. Don't start up your own channel. Nobody cares or joins anyway, only kids, those breaking rules or messing it up. Refer to point 10.
18. When you get fed up, don't quit. Return to your favourite channel and have the next best session ever. Refer to point 11.
19. It is fairly impossible to find out the real age (point 23), gender (point 22), current looks (point 20), location (point 3) and/or motive (points 3 and 12) of anyone on mIRC.
20. When checking out pics of other users, don’t believe for a second that this is really a truthful, unabridged and recent photo, even if you would like to be true. Refer to point 3.
21. To be prepared when someone asks for a pic, edit a number of decent but not necessarily recent photo’s of yourself that represent you in appropriate and interesting circumstances.
22. Always add approximately 10 years to the stated age of a female user, especially if she is a presumed lovely girl. Instead of asking her age, which is rude anyway, ask the era she was born in or attending high school. Refer to point 2.
23. Stick to your favourite channel, at least the other users know you, and you know them and you’ll be better off. Refer to point 12.
24. Finding out gender or sexual preference… Difficult. You can deduce it from general responses in channel if you think you are smart (refer to point 1), ask questions about bra or dick size (refer to point 12), detect false or suspect statements or lies (refer to point 12), bluntly ask in channel (refer to point 13) or ask someone in private (refer to point 10).
25. You believed it is not addictive? But you’re still reading this!