Jack scrubbed a hand over his face. Was it really his lot in life to be pissed on by lady luck over and over again? OK, so maybe he was exaggerating a little...just a little, but dammit, how often did SG-1 really get downtime? Now here they were being told that their downtime was not downtime at all. They were the lucky SOBs that got to enjoy 6 days, 5 nights in a beautiful sunny beach resort, that even had deep sea fishing, only so that they could attend...of all things, a bloody team seminar!

"Colonel, I know this isn't exactly what you were hoping to do with your downtime but..."

"No Sir, it wasn't! What exactly do SG-1 need to go to this seminar for anyway? We're the best the SGC has General, if I do say so myself. We work great together!"

"Colonel, there is no debate on this one. You all leave at 0900 tomorrow."

"Peachy."

"Colonel?" General Hammond spoke, deciding his 2IC was getting a little more insubordinate than usual.

"Sorry General. 0900, I'll tell the rest of the team, Sir." With that Jack rose from his seat and headed down the hall. His shoulders slumped, looking very much like a child that had been told their Disney vacation was cancelled, he made his way to Carter's office.

"Carter?"

"Colonel!"

"Whatcha' doin'?"

"Actually Sir, I'm working on the latest version of our naquada generator. If I can increase it's power then we should be able to..."

"Ah Ah!" Jack raised his hands in defeat. When would his two scientists ever learn that when he asked what they were doing he wanted short, simple 'Not much, you?' answers.

"Sorry Sir. What can I do for you?"

"Shoot me."

"Excuse me?"

"*Sigh* Pack your bags Carter. SG-1 is leaving 0900 for warm, sunny, beautiful Hawaii."

"That's..wow..uh you don't seem pleased Sir."

"You didn't ask why we were going Major."

"I assume it's for our downtime Sir?"

"Ask me why we're going."

"OK...why are we going Sir?"

"We, Carter...You, me, Daniel and Teal'c, are spending our downtime... at a team seminar." Jack spat the words out with disgust.

"A...actually Colonel, I should really work on this generator. If I can increase the power, as I said, it could mean that we..."

"Again I say, ah, ah! Carter, this is not a request. The General is ordering SG-1 to attend this seminar, and being the good 2IC that I am, I've decided to follow his orders..." Jack left the 'or risk charges' part unsaid, but he knew Carter would get it. She was pretty smart afterall.

"Yes Sir." She looks rather depressed. Oh it's nice to be the bearer of depressing news. Jack gave a sympathetic smile, and turned on his heel.

Now, to tell the one member Jack figured would be interested in this. "Hey T."

"O'Neill."

"What's up?"

"Pencils."

"Wha?" Jack looked incredulously at his Jaffa friend.

"Major Ferretti showed me, what he called, a Tau'ri tradition." Uh oh. Now what has Lou done?

"Alright...what is this 'tradition' Ferretti showed you?"

Teal'c turned his head towards the ceiling and there, protruding like...well, like pencils, were...pencils...lots of them. If they fell, Jack was sure Teal'c would have been found impaled, lying on the floor, cursing Ferretti. Ok, so that probably wouldn't happen, but still...there were a lot of pencils.

"Uh...that's...cool."

"Indeed."

"So, Teal'c..."

"O'Neill."

"We're leaving tomorrow at 0900."

"To where are we leaving?"

"Hawaii."

"I do not know this place."

"You'll love it. Warm, sunny, beautiful, deep sea fishing to boot."

"I do not wish to fish O'Neill."

"One bad experience...look, we're not going for the fishing, as much as that pains me. We're being sent there by Hammond. SG-1 is being sent to a team seminar."

"What is this..."

"Ah! Daniel will explain, just pack some cool clothes and..uh...watch your head." Glancing one last time at the spikes in Teal'c's ceiling, Jack turned and headed towards the last member of his team. The one he was sure would, as usual, give him the most trouble over this, but who would at least be on Jack's side about the unfairness of being forced to attend.

Knocking, he pushed Daniel's door opened, finding his friend hunched over his desk, glasses askew, sound asleep. Now there's a surprise. Walking quietly towards his sleeping friend, Jack bent down, close to Daniel's ear. "DANIEL!"

Daniel's head, shooting up like his face was on fire, swung around to glare at the person who almost gave him a heart attack. "Jack! What the hell are you doing?"

"I see you got lots of sleep last night." Jack answered casually as he swung the empty chair around, perching himself in front of his archaeologist.

"Is there a reason you came here, other than trying to deafen me?" Daniel grumbled as he sorted through his translations, fixed his glasses and rose from his seat, desperate for caffeine.

"You know that stuff will kill you."

"You drink it all the time Jack."

"Yes, but by the cup, not the gallon."

"The reason..." Daniel rolled his eyes, walking back to his seat.

"Well, I'm assuming it's because you're a caffeine addict..."

"The reason you're here!" Jack gave a crooked smirk.

"Ah yes, that. Well Dannyboy, pack your bags. SG-1 are off to sun, sand and..."

"We're going to Egypt?!" Daniel asked excitedly.

"What?! No, god nonono...We're going to Hawaii Daniel."

"Hawaii? For what?"

"Well if you'd stop interrupting, I'd tell you."

"Sorry."

"S'ok. We, my friend, are going to Hawaii, by order of the General, to attend...a team seminar." Jack squinted, waiting for Daniel's explosion. The man hardly left base, let alone went on vacation and to have to spend his vacation at a team seminar, when he could be here translating...Jack was sure Daniel would support him in his 'boycott the seminar' campaign.

"Really? That's great."

"You're damn right! And I think we should march back to the General's office and...wait, what?!"

"I love those. I attended a few in college. They're actually a lot of fun."

"Nonono...you...NO! You're supposed to be on my side!"

"What, you thought I wouldn't want to go Jack?"

"Damn right! I thought you, of all people, would be the one to back me up on this, but nooo you actually enjoy seminars. What was I thinking?! Of course you enjoy seminars." Jack grumbled as he headed towards Daniel's door. This was just peachy. His last hope of getting out of this seminar faded as he walked back towards his own office, not even saying goodbye to Daniel.

*******

Morning came far too quickly and Jack grudgingly walked to the door. Opening it he saw 3 very chipper, far too happy people standing there, grinning at him.

"Are you ready to go Jack?"

"Do I look ready to go Daniel?" Jack snapped back, as he shuffled to the kitchen, tying his robe tighter. He'd spent the night before packing and desperately trying to think of a good excuse to get out of this. He seriously contemplated flinging himself down the stairs, he was sure a broken limb would get him off the hook, but then thinking about Janet and her needles he decided against it.

"Our plane leaves in 3 hours Sir. We should probably get to the airport."

"Carter, why are you so eager? Yesterday you were trying to get out of this with some excuse about your naquada toaster. What changed?"

"Well Sir," Carter grinned, ignoring the deliberate mistake about the reactor, "Daniel explained what actually happens and it sounds like fun."

"You!" Jack glared at Daniel. "If you had just done as you were supposed to and joined my boycott, we could have gotten out of this and I could be fishing right now."

"I didn't realise you were actually forming a boycott." Daniel smirked, amusement apparent in his eyes.

"Oh shut up Daniel." Jack poured himself a coffee and stormed from his kitchen, walking towards his bedroom. He placed the coffee on his nightstand and paced towards the closet. Deciding he didn't care what he looked like, he grabbed the first thing he saw, stripping down to his boxers. He pulled the pants on quickly, and sat on the edge of the bed reaching for his coffee.

"Jack?"

"What Daniel?"

Daniel opened the door, walking in.

"Since when does 'What Daniel?' mean come in?"

"Look Jack, I..." In a bright flash of light Jack disappeared. Daniel spun on his heel, and ran back towards Sam and Teal'c to tell them Jack was gone.

"Greetings O'Neill."

"THOR! Buddy! Have I told you lately how much I LOVE you!? Your timing couldn't have..."

"O'Neill, I have come with a matter of great urgency. The Asgard High Council has requested that you attend a Protected Planet Treaty seminar. We must leave immediately."

Jack looked at the small grey alien, black eyes blinking up at him. Spinning, Jack looked out of Thor's ship and down on Earth. "Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!"

TBC/END

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