Jack sighed with relief as he approached the entrance to the parking lot. Reaching it had taken him a lot longer than he'd anticipated. The unseasonable snowstorm of the weekend was melting away and the crisp snow which had crunched under his feet only that morning, had turned to slush underfoot.

The slush was now gradually hardening into ice with the drop in temperature as the sun moved down the horizon. Turning the normally easy to navigate path treacherous, despite his boots. What had started out as a chance to clear his head and sort out his jumbled thoughts in the cold winter air had become far more difficult, requiring all his concentration just to stay on his feet.

He'd had to tread carefully all the way down the three mile walk. As a result, his legs were trembling and his knees aching - getting old, Jack - from the effort required to keep his footing on the slippery slope. His right leg in particular throbbed and burned. The tensed muscles protesting at their unexpected workout, after the beating they'd taken when he'd slammed his leg against the door earlier.

Jack shook his head wearily as he spied his car where he'd left it, what felt like a lifetime ago now. He was dog tired. The only thing he wanted to do was go home and sink into the couch with a couple of beers. Or the harder stuff. The bottle of 'aged 12 years' sitting at the back of the cupboard for bad nights and special occasions was sounding real inviting. For the former reason, sadly. But he couldn't…he had to stay focused. Make a few phone calls, do some digging, start trying to fix this thing before it got any more fucked up than it was already.

His boot slid on a patch of smooth ice and he forced his concentration back to his footing once more. The last thing he needed was to go head over ass mere feet from his car, after making it all the way down the mountain! Although it'd figure, given the kinda day he was having so far.

Of course, he thought wryly, given today, he'd probably wrench his knee out of it's socket on the way down as well and get himself laid up for the week, no good to anyone. He snorted. Doc'd really rip him a new one then…

"Sir!"

The unexpected shout made him jump. Jack spun round, his response to the instantly-recognised voice and call both immediate and ingrained. He promptly skidded as his foot slid on the icy slush in the late afternoon shadow. He teetered for a second before his other foot flew out to the side and stabilised his balance. The manoeuvre performed unconsciously with the ease and grace of a person well used to moving on ice.

Peering into the dark corner of the parking lot from where the voice had issued, he frowned. Dark eyes immediately searched and spotted both the car which waited there and it's owner. God, he was way off his game today! This whole charges thing must have thrown him more than he'd thought. Any other time he'd have noticed, tagged and identified the possible targets automatically, before even entering the area.

"Carter?" he asked in puzzlement. Hadn't she gone home ages ago?

He narrowed his eyes as she walked carefully towards him, arms wrapped tightly around herself.

"Yes, sir."

She looked frozen solid.

"Thought you were going home?"

She looked down at the ground, her foot tracing circles in the melting snow.

"I, ah, I wanted to make sure you were okay."

He ruthlessly quashed the warm glow that sparked and lit inside of him at her words. He couldn't think like that. Couldn't see her as anything other than his subordinate. Not with the mix of emotions currently roiling through him. If he did, he'd lose it completely and put the lie to both their words.

"Sure I am, why wouldn't I be?"

It was a glib lie, rolling off his tongue with ease, designed to lighten the mood. Except it didn't. His reserve faltered as she met his eyes.

'Because I'm not.'

She didn't speak, but the message was there all the same. The look of abject misery in her eyes smashed his good intentions to pieces. He stepped forward into her personal space. A look of alarm flashed through her eyes before he placed his hands on her shoulders and tugged on them gently, pulling her towards him.

"C'mere, Carter."

She resisted for a moment before relaxing and letting him draw her into his arms. Her breath whispered out in a quiet sigh, warming the side of his neck where it washed over him. He shivered, not from cold this time and unable to resist, he lowered his head. Burying his face in her neck, he nuzzled the soft skin gently. She gave a squeak.

"Your nose is cold!"

He chuckled. "You're doin' a pretty good impression of a popsicle yourself, Carter."

"Well, if I'd known it was going to take you the better part of an hour to make your way down here…"

Jack winced guiltily. She'd been waiting out here. In the freezing cold. For him. Yet another one to add to the list of how he was screwing things up for her just recently.

His mind unconsciously bypassed the obvious fact that if the cold bothered her so much, there had been nothing preventing her leaving. But regardless of his reluctance to acknowledge it, it nonetheless remained a fact. He hadn't asked her to wait for him. It was merely her own desire to see him, which had kept her standing for an hour in a freezing cold parking lot.

He hugged her tighter. "Sorry 'bout that."

Her hands pressed with greater force against his back. "S'okay. It's my own fault. I know you take the path sometimes."

The talking tailed off as they stayed together and gradually Sam stopped shivering. Jack continued to hold her. She wasn't making any effort to break away and he was loathe to let her go.

He liked the way she fit against him. Soft, yet firm in all the right places, even through all the layers of clothing. The fact that she was almost his height. He just had to dip his head a little…and she was *there*. He loved that. It felt so right, holding her like this.

But it wasn't allowed to be right. That was the problem.

Suddenly Jack jumped as his pocket vibrated. Sam froze in his arms.

"Ah…sir?"

Jack pulled back, tugging his jacket zipper down with his good hand. He rummaged inside, retrieving his cell phone out his inner pocket and pulling a face as he saw the Caller ID.

*******

"Daniel," he said with a grimace. "I'm assuming Hammond's told him the good news…or at least some of it. He's been calling me every five minutes since I got out from under the mountain."

This time he switched the phone off, before placing it back in his pocket and zipping up his jacket.

Sam arched an eyebrow. "Aren't you going to answer him?"

Jack shook his head. "No. I don't feel like talking - no…*listening* - to him trying to get me to talk to him, right now."

He paused, frowning slightly. "That make sense?"

Sam chuckled, the laughter echoing faintly in her voice as she answered.

"Of a sort, sir. You should probably talk to him, though. You know Daniel, he'll only keep calling. And if you don't answer, he'll be banging on your door demanding to be let in."

Jack shrugged. "Nah, I'm seeing him later anyway. If he wants to talk, he'll just have to wait until then."

Her forehead furrowed. "I thought we weren't supposed to have contact with anyone from the base?"

She ignored the part of her brain yelling 'hypocrite' at her in a loud voice. Granted, she was seeing Janet and Cassie later for girlie comforting, but she found it highly unlikely he was meeting Daniel for something similar. Which meant he was up to something.

But what? The thought that she was being left out made her uneasy.

He raised an eyebrow. "I'm seeing you right now."

"Well this is the Cheyenne Mountain parking lot, sir. Technically, we're still on base."

Jack grinned. "That's a fine line, Major."

She couldn't help smiling smugly in return. "Yes, sir. It is."

Jack looked away first, giving a small cough. Sam received the impression he'd be sticking his hands in his pockets if one of them wasn't bandaged. And possibly scuffing the floor with his boot. He could be such a big kid sometimes.

And sometimes he wasn't.

She shivered from something other than cold as her gaze landed on his bandages. She opened her mouth to try and pry some more details from him. About what he'd done and why he'd done it, though she was fairly sure she knew the answer and the reason made her heart ache. About his meeting with Daniel later, what he planned to do - she found it difficult to believe he was just going to go fish for a week with this hanging over them - but he beat her to it.

"So why are you here, Carter? Really?"

His eyes pierced her with a knowing look. Taking her off-guard and pushing from her head all the carefully thought-out explanations she'd gathered together in her past hour of waiting. Her back straightened, settling automatically into the well-ingrained pose of 'at attention' under his scrutiny. The effects of the nauseous churning in the pit of her stomach hidden from view. Like a good soldier. This was it. The real reason she'd waited for him. She just hoped he would still respect her by the end of it.

"I wanted to apologise, sir."

He looked puzzled. "For what?"

"My recent behaviour."

The puzzled look deepened. "What about your recent behaviour?"

Sam looked at him in disbelief, hope rising. Did he truly not see it? Doubt hit. Or was he forcing her to admit it?

She squared her shoulders determined to follow through on her actions.

"It's been unacceptable, sir. I've been…taking liberties…in my behaviour towards you. My behaviour towards you has not befitted that of a 2IC to their CO."

She snuck a quick look at him. His eyes were guarded, so she couldn't tell what he was thinking. The unpleasant feeling in her stomach returned rapidly.

"Go on." He said. His voice was neutral, giving nothing away.

She swallowed with difficulty past the knot which moved from her stomach to her throat at his words and forced herself to continue. She'd started this, it was inexcusable not to finish it.

She gave a shaky laugh, the nerves of the moment getting to her despite her best efforts.

"I guess…what happened with Adrian Conrad had a bigger effect on me than I thought. I…it took two days for anyone to realise I was missing, sir. It's no excuse, I know, but…that kind of brought home to me how little I have in my life. I resolved to change things. I then allowed my resolution to cloud my professional judgement and lead me to behave in an inappropriate manner, resulting in the current situation. So I apologise, sir."

She looked down ashamed, unable to meet his gaze as she finished. He said nothing and the sick feeling grew. He blamed her. She knew it. Sam hung her head awaiting censure. Hands grabbed her shoulders and shook her. She didn't stop them. She deserved it for causing this…

"Carter, look at me." His voice was firm, commanding.

The hands shook her again. "*Look* at me!"

Reluctantly she raised her head, afraid to see the disappointment in his eyes. Finally meeting his gaze, the look of fury in them made her gasp. His jaw was set, mouth in a thin line, the emotion restrained but still burning like fire. His fingers flexed on her shoulders.

"Carter, don't you ever - "

He broke off, taking a deep breath. "*Ever* - "

His fingers flexed again. "Apologise to me, for wanting to have a life. Do you understand me?"

She stared at him, dumbfounded. Wha-?

He shook her again. "Do you understand?"

His eyes bored into her, dark and serious, demanding a reply. Relief flowed through her as his words registered.

"Yessir!" She finally managed to choke out.

He smiled slowly, the anger draining away to be replaced with something else, no less fierce in it's intensity. Her breath hitched as she recognised affection, pride, possession… And that indefinable something she was scared to name, but which shot a welcome tingling throughout her body in response.

He lifted his hand to cup her cheek, warm against her exposed skin. She closed her eyes. His warmth, his touch, his nearness… It was almost too much.

"Well…*yeah*. That's more my like my Carter."

'His Carter.' Oh, she wished…

Unable to help herself she turned her cheek into his palm, seeking the heat of contact, savouring the feel of his fingers as they caressed her cheek lightly. After a few moments he sighed and dropped his hand. The other hand still on her shoulder squeezed gently and let go. Her eyes flew open at the loss of the feel of him, as he stepped back.

He gave a wry smile, acknowledging the response in both of them to his actions, before clearing his throat and continuing.

"And as far as the current situation goes… Hey, it's a cliché I know, but it takes two, Carter. Your behaviour is no more at fault here, than mine. You didn't create this situation, so don't ever think you're to blame, because you're not. Hell, if *anyone's* to blame for this whole mess, it's the people behind whoever took those photos!"

She nodded slowly, reluctant to accept his words.

"I've been in the service a long time, Sam. I know a set-up when I see one and that's exactly what this is…I said it earlier, but you and I have done nothing wrong. So just…hold that thought, okay?"

Sam remained silent. If only it were that simple.

"Okay?"

Geesh. He was like a dog with a bone, sometimes…

"Yessir."

"Good." He said sharply. "Look, it's politics, Carter. That's all it is…this isn't about you or me, not really. It's just…politics."

Sam nodded absently, her thoughts a million miles away as his words struck home.

If this was nothing more than political wrangling, how were they supposed to clear their names? Any investigation was going to be for show only. They'd probably been accused and found guilty already! The court martial would be rigged and their careers would be over. For *nothing*!

She gritted her teeth, setting her jaw as anger writhed and boiled inside her, making her tremble with the effort of restraining it. That everything which defined her life could be ripped from her over something as pathetic as power-hungry posturing…

Suddenly she understood the earlier fury in his eyes.

Jack cocked his head to one side, watching her carefully as if he could read her change of mood. "Now what'cha thinkin'?"

Perhaps he could. He'd been there after all.

Her eyes were bleak as she met his gaze. "If this is all a conspiracy to remove us from the SGC, how are we supposed to fight it, sir?"

He shrugged. "Same way we usually do, I guess."

He flashed her a grin. "We use that good ol' SG-1 style!"

The turmoil of emotions the days events had evoked, bubbled up and over at his nonchalant attitude, the words bursting out before she could stop them.

*******

"How can you be so calm about all of this?!"

The grin vanished instantly. "Carter?"

Don't you realise what we're being accused of? Don't you get what this could do to us?"

'I could lose you…'

"Of course I realise, Major." He snapped, the icy tone of his voice making her flinch. "Despite what you may think, I'm not a complete idiot!"

His harsh words made her look at him in shock, even though she knew she probably deserved it. Belatedly it occurred to her that perhaps this was affecting him as much as it was her.

He sighed wearily and the anger vanished from his face. "Look, Carter - "

A hand scrubbed over his face. "Anger doesn't help. I've got a dozen stitches in my hand to prove it if you don't believe me."

"Then what *does*?"

She was desperate for an answer.

"Getting even."

Getting even? Getting *even*? How the hell was she supposed to do *that*?

A half-sob escaped her and she turned away from him, mortified at her lack of control in front of him. Her fists clenched as she struggled to hold it together.

She felt him step closer. "Carter? Let it go. What's bugging ya, really?"

His words snapped something inside of her. She spun back round, wavering slightly as she lost her balance on the slippery ground.

"You really want to know what gets me the most about this? Really? Fine, I'll tell you! And it's stupid because I know this is the way things work, but I hate it! It's not *fair*. We haven't done anything! Yet we're still going to be being punished. That's what's 'bugging' me, as you so eloquently put it sir!"

She knew she sounded like a petulant teenager, but she couldn't help it. Jack looked startled at her sudden outburst for a second then he shook his head.

"Won't come to that, Carter." He said firmly.

"Look," he continued, " we're in the clear here. We've done nothing wrong and any impartial investigation is gonna have to reflect that, because there *is* no wrong-doing for them to uncover. This is just an attempt to discredit us and force us out. Those charges'll be ripped to shreds waay before it gets to formal proceedings. You'll see."

He sounded confident but she couldn't help giving him a sceptical look. She refused to believe he could possibly be that naive.

"An impartial investigation, possibly."

He grinned. It was almost vicious. "Oh it'll be impartial, Carter. Hammond'll make sure of it."

Something in his tone didn't quite ring true.

"And if he doesn't? Or he can't?"

She couldn't help it. It was the curse of having an analytical mind. Standing here waiting for him to appear, her mind had been spinning through all the conceivable scenarios, from the most likely to the worst possible. Formal reprimand on file, held back from promotion, reassignment to another team. To another *base*. Dishonourable discharge. Leavenworth…

Jack shrugged. "Then it isn't impartial. And it goes to court martial."

She nearly growled in frustration, her irritation overwhelming the urge to giggle at his unintentional - or otherwise - rhyme. Couldn't he at least show some sign that he was as bothered by this as she was?!

"And this doesn't worry you?"

It came out far harsher than she intended. Sharp and sarcastic, like the kind of retort he would make. She winced, expecting a sharp put-down.

He rolled his head back and forth on his shoulders, smiling faintly before fixing her with that piercing stare of his which seemed to see right to her very soul.

"If it comes to that, then it comes to that. No sense borrowing trouble before it happens, Major."

It occurred to Sam that he was on a roll with the mangled clichés today. Then she sighed wearily, the fight leaking out of her as his calmly-delivered - albeit cliché-ridden - explanations eased her mind. The thought ran fleetingly through her head that it made an interesting role reversal.

"I know…it's just…look at where we've ended up. We're under investigation for fraternisation, despite everything we've done to avoid being accused of it! For all the good it's done, we might as well have just jumped into bed together years ago."

She could only look at him in shock as she realised exactly what she'd said.

Her words obviously took him by surprise as well, judging by the way his eyebrows jumped to his hairline in what was blatantly an involuntarily reaction. Unlike the wide smirk which appeared on his face once her words truly registered. She was becoming far too accustomed of late to seeing that particular expression on his face in response to her words.

"*Years*, Carter?"

A vision of their first meeting popped into her head, before it morphed into an image of her jumping him on the briefing room table. She shook it away sharply.

'God, get a grip, woman! It's that kind of thinking which got you into this mess in the first place!'

She glared at him, though she was grateful beyond belief that he wasn't making a big deal out of it. "You know I mean, sir."

She blew out a breath, frustrated at her inability to articulate the words as she waved her hands in air to emphasise the point she was attempting to make.

"It just makes me…" she trailed off, unable, hell, *afraid* to finish the sentence in case she inserted her foot into her mouth once more.

To her relief he finished it for her.

"Frustrated, madder than hell, want to go out there and kick their scrawny asses?"

She nodded sharply. 'Whoever *they* may be.'

"Yeah. Exactly."

"It'll work out, Carter. You'll see."

His tone was too confident for someone in this position. What did he know that she didn't? It was her turn to fix him with a piercing stare.

"What are you up to, sir?"

He looked away, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Colonel?"

"Carter?" His tone was expressionless, eyes blank, giving nothing away as he looked back at her.

"Sir?" She persisted.

"Major?" He parried.

Sam narrowed her eyes. He could attempt to cover it up all he wanted, but his momentary lapse had proved he had something in mind. And she wasn't going to let it go until she figured out what it was. She used her ace.

"*Jack?*"

*******

Jack frowned, unable to hide the tiny jolt which ran through him at the sound of his given name on her lips. It happened so rarely, it was like a punch in the gut each time.

'Low blow, Carter.'

"What makes you think I'm up to anything…Sam?"

He was gratified to see an answering spark flicker in her eyes as he spoke her name.

"Because I know you, sir."

She held his gaze calmly, daring him to call her bluff.

"It's nothing for ya to be concerned over, Carter. I'm just gonna have Daniel check a few things out for me, maybe do a little digging of my own, call a few contacts, see what I can turn up."

He could almost see the cogs turning in her head as she digested his words.

"Don't worry about it. I'll be fine, honestly. We'll be back at work like this never happened before you know it."

'Yeah right, O'Neill! That doesn't even sound convincing to *you*…'

"You just…go see that brother of yours. I'll take care of it."

Her eyes flashed with emotion and not in a good way. Jack got the feeling that maybe that was the wrong thing to say.

*******

Sam's eyes narrowed. How dare he? Dammit, this was her problem too! He had no right to cut her out!

"With all due respect sir, this is my problem as well! You can't just shut me out! It's not fair. You said it yourself, it took both of us to create this situation. It's only right that both of us try and fix it."

Why couldn't he understand?

He smiled sadly. "I know. It's just…I'm your CO, Carter. It's my job to look out for you. For all of you. And this…"

He sighed heavily. "It just hammers home the point that I haven't been doing that job as well as I should be."

"I can take care of myself, sir."

"Yeah, I know."

He nodded, but still didn't look convinced. She tried a different tack. Tried to find a way to make him understand that she needed to be a part of whatever he was planning.

"Please, sir. We have to stick together on this, otherwise we'll be doing their job for them? Don't you see? If they want to discredit us, tear us apart…then surely we are stronger dealing with this as a team?"

Jack remained silent. Sam took his silence as consent and hurried on, determined to turn him to her point of view.

"Whatever you have planned, you need someone to watch your back, sir. And as your 2IC, that's *my* job. You look out for the rest of us, and I'm supposed to have your back whilst you're doing it. Like you said, the fact this happened in the first place means I haven't been doing it very well recently, either. How am I supposed to put that right, if you won't let me help?"

He just gave her one of those long looks. A horrible thought occurred to her and she turned away again, her shoulders sagging as she swallowed hard. Perhaps he didn't trust her to be there for him any longer. Maybe her admission of her recent lack of focus had taken away his faith in her abilities.

"It's okay, sir. If you no longer feel confident with me as your Second I understand."

"What? No! Carter, it's not that. *Never* that. It's just…"

He sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face again. "Look Carter, *Sam*…I have no problem with you as my 2IC. This…crap…is never gonna change that. It's been one of my biggest pleasures watching you grow into that role over the past five years. Finding your way, making it your own, hell, you should be leading your own team by now! God knows you're more than ready…and you'd be doin' that right now if I wasn't so goddamn selfish. Wanting to keep the best at my side, watching my six…"

He faltered for a second, then shook his head. "Anyway, point is, *that's* not the issue here."

"Then what is?"

He pursed his lips, staying silent for a minute before answering.

"Carter, I don't know who these people are, but I do know dealing with them…isn't gonna be pretty. I don't…I don't want you to have to deal with that."

"But it's okay for Daniel to be a part of it?"

"No! I'm just gonna ask him to check on a few things for me. I'll probably send Teal'c along just in case...but the rest's gonna be pure Jack O'Neill, all the way."

"I can handle it."

"I'm not saying you can't. It's just…some of the things I may have to do…I don't want you involved, Sam. I don't want *any* of you involved. I don't want you to see - "

He cut his words off abruptly, his eyes sliding away as he changed what he was about to say.

"I don't want you to have to do some of the things I've done, Sam. It rots your soul and you deserve better than that. Hell, you *are* better than that. I - "

He swallowed hard, still unable to meet her eyes. His next words came out as little more than a whisper. "I don't want you to end up like me."

Sam's heart lurched. 'I don't want you to end up like me.' Was that truly how he saw himself? As someone to be avoided rather than emulated? She didn't understand it. How could he ever think of himself that way? Didn't he know how much admiration and respect she had for him? He was an amazing man! How could he possibly think otherwise?

The thought that he had so little respect for himself horrified her. He was always so strong, so confident… The little voice at the back of her head played devil's advocate. Reminding her how much more confidence he had in her abilities than she did herself at times. Reminding her of her own anxieties and lack of belief in herself. It made her want to weep that he could possibly feel the same way.

At that moment she wanted nothing more than to take him in her arms and show him how very much he meant to her. But she couldn't. It occurred to her that in telling her this, he was letting her see past the CO mask and she was humbled that he trusted her enough to let her in.

And that he was doing it for her. Normally the true Jack O'Neill only appeared around Daniel or Cassie. Sometimes Teal'c. But never her. It was too dangerous. A light-bulb went on in her head as she realised this was what he had been doing the past few weeks. At the ice rink, at the Mall…he was showing her who he truly was, letting her get to know Jack.

She found she liked Jack. Very much. More than she should. And he deserved to know it. Deserved to have his trust in her repaid.

"Sir…" She hesitated, trying to find a way to word what she wanted to say. "I would be…honoured…if I end up being half the person you are. And if I do, it will because of everything I've learnt from you. Everything you've taught me. I feel privileged to have you as my CO and I'm proud to…to call you a friend. Nothing will *ever* change that."

He blinked. And looked incredibly embarrassed at her praise.

"Wow. Carter... That's…uh…right back at'cha I guess."

She nodded, flushing at what she'd just told him.

"Doesn't change anythin' though."

Oh for…just how stubborn was he?! Pain in the ass…

"Okay…then just hear me out, sir. Please?"

A head nod. Well that was something, at least.

"If I'm…going to lead one day, then don't I need to learn these things from you as well? However unpleasant they may be? One day I'll have a team of my own to protect. How can I do that if you won't teach me how to do it the best that I can?"

Silence.

"How do I learn the skills I'm going to need, if not from you? I know you don't want to teach me this, and I'm not even sure I want to be taught, but I need to know, regardless. And if I have to learn to do 'damn distasteful things', I'd…I'd rather learn to do them from you, than anyone else. Sir."

He still had no answer. Sam rushed on, unable to stop the words pouring out.

"These bastards are trying to rule my life, sir. They're trying to control me. Do you know how it feels to have no control over what happens in your own life? Conrad and his goons took that away from me. And now this…"

Sam shuddered, forcing back the unpleasant memories.

"I *need* to do something, sir. Be a part of, of bringing them down, something. Anything. I *need* this."

'I need to know I have control of my own life. I need to know I'm still the person I thought I was. I need to know you still trust me to be that person.'

"You said you trusted me to lead. To be your 2IC."

A nod.

"Then let me be that."

After a few long moments, during which she waited anxiously, afraid that despite everything she'd said he was still going to turn her down, crush her hopes, he nodded.

"Alright Major, you're in."

He held up his injured hand, flashing her a quick grin.

"Besides, I guess I'm gonna need a hand."

TBC

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